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What's in a Name?

Tuesday, November 10


Growing up with a name like mine was not easy. And while it provided (and to this day provides) ample fodder for idiots to mock, I never wanted out. Though it took me a while to love my name, I always fully embraced it.

The idea of changing my name to John, or Bill, or Harry crossed my mind about as much as John, Bill and Harry pondered the idea of making the jump to Sirami, which means never.

I often wonder why people make fun of names? The name "Shelonda," for instance, was outrageous in the 80's, but now seems tame and pretty mainstream. The martin family caused a mini-uproar when news started coming in that their baby was named Apple. 10 years later, no so much of a big deal.

As a youth in the 1970's, NOBODY had a name that was out of the ordinary. When my teacher took attendance, even she would join the chorus of guffaws as she butchers my name. Take a poll of the people you know older than 35, you will encounter nothing but biblical or Anglophilic names, usually running straight down the center of the mainstream. Perhaps this was because many of our parents were born in the 1940's and 50's, the very height of America and the American Ideal. Conformity as a stated goal never has been, and (hopefully) never will be so, universally accepted as the goal of society was the thinking of those times.

One recent trend is naming children after celebrities. Which got me to thinking about who celebrities were named after. This led me on a slippery slope to a startling discovery: many celebrity names are NOT their actual names. Why these people chose to go with a pseudonym is obvious in some cases, unclear in others, but sad in all. They would still be the fantastically-talented individuals they are today, but all the while carrying on the tradition their parents bestowed upon them.

So if you name your child a celebrity name, to borrow from Steveland Jedkins (sic Stevie Wonder), make sure you're sure.

A Sampling of Celebrity Name Changes:

Actor Cary Grant was born...
Archibald Alexander Leach

Actor Billy D. Williams name is actually...
William December Williams Junior (born in April)

Singer Shania Twain was born...
Eilleen Regina Edwards

Singer Garth Brooks was born...
Troyal (with cheese) Garth Brooks

Director Spike Lee was born...
Shelton Jackson Lee (which explains the glasses)

Actor Charlton Heston was born...
John Charles Carter (in a town called "No Man's Land, IL" later incorporated into the city of Wilmette, IL)

Author Danielle Steele was born...
Danielle Fernande Dominique Schuelein-Steel (her family founded Lowenbrau beer)

Singer Rihanna was born
Robyn Rihanna Fenty

Performer Fergie was born...
Stacy Ann Ferguson (and did voice-over work for the "Sally" Peanuts characters at age 9. Some may be of the opinion she currently does voice-over work for the adult characters in Peanuts while in concert.)

Musical Producer Ne-Yo was born...
Shaffer Chimere Smith (he was, reluctantly, given the nickname NEO (yes, that neo) for his "ability to see beyond the music." It would later morph into it's more familiar form.)

Comedian Jay Leno was born...
James Douglas Muir Leno (and was once advised by his high-school guidance counselor to drop out of school.)

Actor Will Smith was born...
Willard Christopher Smith

Ben Affleck was born...
Benjamin Géza Affleck-Boldt

Sports Reporter Ahmad Rashad was born...
Robert Earl Moore

Actor Albert Brooks was born...
(No Kidding) Albert Lawrence Einstein

Actor Ben Kingsley was born...
Krishna Pandit Bhanji

Chaka Khan was born...
Yvette Stevens

Charlie Sheen was born...
Carlos Irwin Estévez

Demi Moore was born...
Demetria Gene Guynes

Elvis Costello was born...
Declan Patrick MacManus

Fatboy Slim was born...
Quentin Leo Cook

Flavor Flav was born...
William Jonathan Drayton Jr.

Hulk Hogan was born...
Terry Gene Bollea

Jackie Chan was born...
Chan Kwong-Sung

Judy Garland was born...
Frances Ethel Gumm

Lady Gaga was born...
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta

Jamie Foxx was born...
Eric Marlon Bishop

Nicole Richie was born...
Nicole Camille Escovedo

Martha Stewart was born...
Martha Helen Kostyra

Pter Coyote was born...
Rachmil Pinchus Ben Mosha Cohon

Larry King was born...
Lawrence Harvey Zeiger (and remains my favorite person in all of media)

Sally Field was born...
Sally Mahoney

Snoop Dog was born...
Cordazar Calvin Broadus

Whoopi Goldberg was born...
Caryn Elaine Johnson

Winona Ryder was born...
Winona Laura Horowitz

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