News That Made Me Go "HA!"

This weeks news that made me laugh (or cry):


Disney Admits 'Baby Einstein' isn't Educational



So you mean to tell me that if I plunk down $20 of my hard earned cash for a DVD of a screen saver with elevator music, then park my kid in front of the television for 90 minutes a day, instead of personally interacting with them, my baby won't get smart?

I swear, sometimes the best joy in my life comes from stories like this. EVERY single parent I know fell for this. And parents I didn't know (or care to) recommended it to me, without my having solicited their opinion. This was such an unexpected gift, I feel I am indebted to Disney for the rest of my life. Perhaps the playgrounds across America will start to fill up again.


Cost-Cutting Forces Hawaii Schools to Four Day School Week



Finally, something positive has happened for the kids!

In a Recession that has impacted children across the world, good news beckons from the Pineapple capital. There have been numerous studies showing the economic downturn had increased hunger, abuse, confusion, psychological instability and homelessness on children in disproportionate numbers.

Not only did the Great Recession force closure of schools for one day a week, but the Almighty went one step further by making that day FRIDAY! There are many things it takes years of life experiences and maturity to grasp, Three-Day Weekend ain't one of them!


Bronson Pinchot is in the News



So Tom Cruise hated Gays 20 years ago and Denzel Washington was a bad person 17 years ago. that is news? Hilarious!!!!

Balkii has been completely under a rock for so long, I expect we'll next get his great inside gossip on that venerable dramatist, John Wilkes Booth!

The only reason people are giving the story any gravity is because he is name-dropping. Nobody cares what this man had to say before last week, not even Cousin Larry!

Give me a BREAK!


Sam Worthington is Christian Bale



It seemed that Christian Bale was the choice for every major movie with an important male lead over the last few years (sorry Shia LaBeouf). But success in Hollywood mean hard, hard falls from grace. Don't cry for Christian, he is still getting plum roles. but clearly the tide has shifted.

Sam Worthington, who, ironically, had his biggest role in the film that slowed Bales' career, Terminator:Salvation, is Hollywood's new Man of the Hour.

Mr. Worthington will be the lead in what I think is this years most important (with sincere apologies to Black Dynamite) film, James Cameron's 'Avatar.' Then you'll get more Sammy in Clash of the Titans next summer, then 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, next Fall. If that is not enough of the Aussie for you then, I am pleased to announce...

He just go the lead in the highly-anticipated Mad Max sequel, Fury Road.

Stop, drop and roll brother, cause you're on PHI-YAHHH!

Well that's enough of this lame excuse for a blog post. But as you know, the Saturday paper is always the thinnest on information.

See you on Monday.