Him

Him
Fashion & Lifestyle from HETAIL

Her

Her
Smart ways to honor, or apologize.

home

home
Assiduously edited by TWIG & GRASS

heresy

heresy
Writing from PEPPERMINT PICKLE

Making the Unknown, Known

Sunday, December 13

That picture is a hum-dinger, ain't it?

Because perhaps these things get by you in the day-to-day.

Latest on Tiger


What if we all read this tiger Woods thing wrong. What if this was a big story, but the fascination with the subject, the zealous drive for facts, made it something bigger then what was at it's original core. For instance.

Tiger was asleep in bed on that Friday morning, his wife smashed a vase, or something like it in his face (his tooth was broken in half, apparently), then proceeded to do her best Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby-impersonation? Then Tiger fought her off, calmed her down and talked out the situation with Elin. After assuring her he would never see "that one woman again," the thinking shifted to "how to explain these injuries?" 

A half-assed plan for a low speed accident was cooked up (did you see that tree?), so Tiger put on his Nikes, got in a big ass Cadillac Escalade and ran into a tree, but not head on, just a little bit. Only the right wheel hits the tree, and so soft air bags do not deploy, OnStar does not call and the electronics are messed up, so his wife, who is watching their plan go awry, comes and bashes the window with a golf club, thus freeing Tiger.

The car accident could now be used as the reason for the injuries, therefore his wife, whom he still loves and wanted to be around, is absolved of any possible criminal charges or future public scrutiny when supporting the World's Most Famous Athlete. The plan was flawless.

Then, as with all things African-American, the police showed up and things started to spiral downward. The police being called to the residence is what made this story fly, from the beginning. Had things been contained to that evenings events, everything else would have never happened. And I am NOT BLAMING THE POLICE for Tiger being a nerdy pimp, but if they did not file a police report then. . .

TMZ would not have started throwing money around. As I stated in a previous post, famous people AND THEIR HIGH-PRICED CONSULTANTS have not come to grips with the "New Financial Reality" of sharing money with potential problems, and copiously so. TMZ has a staff of people who's only job is to comb through the nation's police and hospital reports. It's a dirty job, but it pays well.

The police are only going to find out so much when investigating a person, TMZ, with it's truckloads of unlimited cash, is always going to find out more. 

So the police reports brought TMZ to Tiger, TMZ brought money to a former mistress, the one mistress started a biding war in the E!, Extra, Entertainment Tonight, People, OK! Magazine arena for finding more, and, ultimately, the few jump-offs that wanted to remain silent, could no longer afford to remain so. Which brought out the MADAME (Damn Liger?!?!), who took this thing to a whole new level with her having tax records and all (did he want a receipt, with his cheap ass?).

Tiger Woods wanted his marriage to continue, and perhaps really was committed to being a more loving, caring and family-focused pimp going forward. However, he committed the one cardinal sin any African-American in a troubled relationship cannot afford to do, he allowed the police to get involved in his relationship. So now Elin's gone, the kids are gone, the sponsors are leaving and so is his precious good name, which can never return, BTW.

And now he knows what all Black men know, nothing good ever comes from the police being at your door.

On an aside, Tiger choosing to not participate in golf this season is going to spotlight what the tour found out when he didn't play because of injury, interest in the sport falls off -- DRAMATICALLY. Perhaps that will put pressure on those in the media to assist in cleaning him up a bit, so they can get him back on the links and get crowds roaring for him once more. 

It's risky, but we'll see if it works.

Nobel, Nobel


The Nobel brothers spent the early years of their professional lives "working," as mine owners, in the South African diamond business, a sub-human, disgusting and exploitative endeavor. When, in the mid-1870's, the diamond mines hit "an impassible core of solid rock," the South African industry and region was plunged into a Depression. This forced the brothers to sell, at rock bottom prices, their mining claim to Cecil Rhodes, who was in the process of buying up "every mine in Africa." 

Rhodes, who would later become the richest man in the world and, like Nobel, lend his name to one of the world' most prestigious awards, the Rhode's Scholarship, had knowledge of a new technology which could bypass the solid rock, and so therefore, could continue to unearth the diamonds. 

At this point the Nobel brothers decided to part ways of sorts with the money from their claim. Alfred could not get beyond the notion of that solid, impassable rock, which motivated his drive that would culminate in his invention of dynamite. 

Since he was trying to develop a tool for mining, when he saw dynamite being used in warfare, he quickly plunged from horror to depression. This led him to establish a prize for Peace, so as he, nor the world, would need ever see his invention "used against man."

In the years since the Nobel's became one of the world's leading families, they have obscured the dark secret of their involvement in the South African Diamond Trade, which is why most biographies of the brothers begin in 1876, right after they sold their claims. 

When Twain stated, "There is no such thing as good money from a bad man," the Nobel Prize comes to mind. The horror that such a prize would be bestowed upon an Head of State that just escalated a war can only live in the mind of a person without the full sphere of the Prize's dark history.

Presidential Fractions


Why does it take a person to raise (and spend) $750,000,000, sound it out: seven-hundred-fifty million dollars, for a job that pays $400,000 per year? That's like spending $75,000,000 on an interview suit for a job that pays $40,000. That's like giving a $7,500,000 donation to a community college for a scholarship that costs $4,000. That's like spending $750,000 for rent on a studio that costs $400. That's like spending $75,000 to buy a coupon book to save $40. And more to our daily line of thinking, it's like paying $7,500 for your $4 latte at the Starbucks in your neighborhood.

I'll allow you too sit with that for a moment.

Anyway, I know you have had this question on your mind before, so let me help ease your stressing over it any longer.

President Obama raised more money, and spent more money, then any other presidential aspirant in history, a whopping $750,000,000! His salary for each of his 4 years in office will be $400,000. During this time he is not allowed to make investments in any company, buy any bonds or start any company whatsoever. His wife, equally, has the same restrictions on her, as well!

Before they took office, their combined incomes were in the low seven figures per annum, and before President Obama wrote his first best-selling book, Michelle was, far and away, the breadwinner. So taking this job was not only fantastically expensive ($750,000,000), it was a pay cut.

The short answer to the question is, the job of the President of the United States of America puts you, and your team, in control of the single greatest economic feeding trough in the world. 

With an annual budget in the trillions, and the ability to spend beyond that when you feel the necessity, the $750,000,000 starts to seem more like a pittance. 

George W. Bush received $26.5 million from his Wall Street backers during his two Presidential Election runs. On his way out the door, he handed them the $700 billion TARP bill as a parting gift, $210 billion of which disappeared, overnight, without a trace.

The Oil Industry was the former President's biggest campaign contributor, topping out at between $46.8-61.1 million, depending on what source you believe. In December of 2001, AFTER THE SEPTEMBER 11th ATTACKS, the price for a barrel of sweet crude oil stood at $16.21 per barrel. Even the terrorist attacks and the incursion into Afghanistan had not moved the needle on oil prices. Once the President circumnavigated the Congress and went to war in Iraq, the price of oil began to climb, and did so throughout his presidency, reaching a high-point of $126.33 per barrel for the month of June 2008, nearly 8x the December 2001 price.

President Obama ran a campaign initially financed, almost exclusively, by the less than $250 donations of individual donors, or ordinary citizenry. The strategy overwhelmed his primary counter-part, Hillary Clinton. Mrs. Clinton had much more money to start, but since she was given the $4600 maximum by all her supporters, when the campaign dragged on longer than she (or anyone) thought, she could not go back to her donors list for more money. Obama could, and did.

Obama used the small donations route to raise money after each controversy, win, loss or attack, with his supporters rallying to his defense, financially, with each threat to the candidate. It was simply too much for the other candidates to withstand, with both Mrs. Clinton and the General Election adversary, John McCain complaining openly about the "unfair disadvantage" of Mr. Obama's fundraising apparatus. 

However, once Mr. Obama's election seemed imminent, once the path seemed un-obstructable for this phenomenon, Big Business responded. Wall Street financial houses spent late-August thru early-October throwing lavish fundraisers for the future President, and in the end became President Obama's biggest single contributors, to the tune of $58 million. 

Health Care and Pharmaceutical companies took note of the candidate's tough talk and, once he looked like a sure bet for winning the election,  found a way to contribute $31 million to candidate Obama in the final 8 weeks of the election. Since the Pharma companies were so late to the party, knowing that Health Care reform was a big part of Obama's platform, they directed doubled the amount of money, $68.1 million, to Democratic candidates running for the House and Senate, as well as the DNC. 

Thus far, for their efforts, Financial Regulation has been tabled and Health care reform has been scrapped. 

If you look at it from a financial perspective, President Obama becomes less of a disappointment. He, like any other person in the Office of the Presidency, is looking out for his big contributors. Too bad we all came early to the party, because what really matters is who you take home at the end of the night.


Shofolk Boots (and Shoes)

Saturday, December 12


Shofolk is the "go to" brand for weekend wear boots. 

Styles vary from boots to shoes, suede to canvas. Though one thing remains constant throughout, the shoes are freaking awesome!

Find out more at Folk Clothing.

Digital Swiss Army Knife


The Apple iPhone is no longer a luxury. As my title suggests, it's the Swiss Army Knife of our (digital) times. Pretenders will not get the luxury of discussion on this blog, as they have all come up way short, on expectations and sales.

What is it that you need help with in our busy world that the iPhone can not provide som modicum of assistance with? 

. . .
. . .
. . .

Well, I couldn't think of anything either.

Within 3 years it will be: The #1 gaming platform, the #1 search platform, the #1 communication device, the #1 platform for application development, #1 in GPS usage, #2 music player (to the iPod) and the #1 driver of social media. 

Most Technology analysts believe, the iPhone has only reached about 15% of its' potential in developing ways to utilize all its' functions.

Google's Android platform is providing Apple with the only thing it needs to get better, faster: a rival.

This means the many innovative minds at world's most innovative company are only going to push the envelope that much further.

I can't wait!

Learn more at apple.com

Oban Single-Malt Scotch


Oban's 14 year single-malt scotch is perfection. So perfect, it makes purchasing the 32 year variety excessive. 

Redolent, focused and unapologetic in it's brilliance, the mouth will never be the same.

More info at Oban Distilleries

A Good Flask


There is little shame in carrying your favorite spirit on your person, unless, that is, you are choosing to carry it in it's original container. For then, your actions border on vagrancy. 

Be classy and carry a flask. 

All "Great" Men have flasks!

DALVEY can get you started. I loved this one because it comes with a cup.

Eyes Over Africa


Yes, the book costs $2000.
Yes, the book is over-sized.
Yes, this book is a photography book.
Yes, you can get a "regular" edition for $30.00.

But YES, THIS BOOK IS WORTH EVERY DIME.

If you have ever been to an Antiquarian Book Seller and wondered, "How can a book cost $85,000? Well give "Eyes Over Africa: XXL Special Edition" some time and it is sure to appreciate in monetary, and photographic, value.
Michael Poliza photographs an Africa that is rapidly changing. Deforestation, animal extinction, war, disease, modernization and gentrification all threaten the continent. Capturing this amazing eden from a helicopter, over a series of 13 months, Poliza affords us access to an Africa as we have never seen her before.

Available at Amazon.

Money Is Meaningless


The guy above looks around 30ish years-old. Which is 22ish years-older then a man is supposed to be when wearing an homage to Thomas the Train Engine.

The above also spent $1500 to look so "cool." If you didn't know it was Dolce & Gabbana, you would laugh. . . in his face (not behind his back, like you plan to).

For the same money, this guy produced a classic, age-appropriate look by choosing something from Brunello Cucinelli.  

The difference was not in price, as they are the same, but in taste.

Men, always go for "Classic" when choosing your clothes. You will grow out of "trendy" before you grow out of the fit. And if you are younger (sub-28 y.o.), it classic clothes give an air of confidence and expectation that none of your lies ever can.


I'm Being Followed


Seriously!

I was convinced into trying Jo Malone's Black Vetyver Cafe Cologne about a week ago. I use another fragrance as a base, so the results will not be the same for everyone. But I can tell you, EVERYONE is loving it!

The old lady at the public library gave me a bit too much "special attention" when I was checking out. It's that good!

Note to the daring: It wears much differently than it's initial smell out of the bottle, which can be off-putting to the uninformed.

Side note: The Wild Fig is also delightful.

More info at JO MALONE

Man's Bag NOT Manbag


Ralph Lauren Coat? Check
Canali Cashmere Turtleneck? Check
Hugo Trousers? Check
John Lobb Boots? Check

You care enough about the way you dress, so why the Plastic Grocery Bags when hopping that flight for a weekend away?

Your girlfriend seems moody? She was fine a minute ago, but ever since you popped the trunk and pulled out those stuffed-to-the-gills blue Walmart bags with your "unmentionables" clearly showing, the mood hasn't been the same.

First weekend away together? No, the last.

Avoid being a fool with a Grown Man's weekend bag. 

Pauric Sweeney can help you out. Visit PAURIC SWEENEY for more info.  

Tokyo Flash Watches


Tokyo Flash is not one of those companies that innovate something and then beat it to death. As a matter of fact, the founder of the company promised to liquidate his company, not even sell it, if they stop producing fresh, envelope pushing product.

They are not for everyone, but a very inexpensive conversation piece, no doubt.

Interested party's should visit TOKYOFLASH.COM for more information.

The Next Moncler


Those who stay ahead of the fashion masses moved from The North Face years ago. Today's problem is running into some doucher in Mark Nason boots at your Starbuck's in the same Moncler puffy coat you have on. 

It's time to upgrade to NAPAPIJRI, and fast. They have been around for a while, but access to their complete line is limited in a brick-and-mortar.

Find out more at NAPAPIJRI.COM

If You Love Ed Hardy


Please find another blog to read. 
IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

Converse Goes Hard!


Somehow, someway, this classic shoe (it is close to it's 60th Anniversary) keeps upping the ante.

This pair, called CONVERSE - ALL STAR RIBBED ANKLE HEIGHT SNEAKERS, are on sale for $110 at the very promising website of :

The Lightning Thief


The Lightning Thief is one of my son's favorite books. I thought there was only two books in the series, but after watching the trailer (which he told me about, of course), I smell a tent-pole for this movie studio. 

The name is weird, "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief", but I take it that the studio understood the second book is not as well known, so why not hang the franchise on the first one.

Not sure about the Harry Potter/ Twilight possibilities of this as a mega-blockbuster, but there are never enough boy's films in the marketplace. Let's hope that a good movie does not go unwatched and therefore killed off, such as what happened with 'The Golden Compass.'

Trailer A:

Daybreakers


You can have Edward and his mates. I am more into the post-apocalyptic vampire stuff, and this movie seems to fit the bill.

Daybreakers also has Ethan Hawke, who, I feel, has the best script picker in all of Hollywood. Yes there are people like Tom Hanks that get "everything" put on their lap. But as far as people who do not have such a privilege, Ethan's people seem to be the best. I have not disliked a movie that he has been a part of in quite some time.

Vampires, UNITE!

Avatar Opening


I have not looked forward to a movie opening so much since 'The Dark Knight.' TDK delivered the goods, and then some, as I believe the movie deserved an Oscar nomination, if not a win. 

James Cameron's 'Avatar' will deliver the goods, I only hope the 'Titanic' comparison backlash will not be as huge as it seems to be in the press.

If you decide to see the film, and you opt out of seeing the 3-D version, you will be cheating yourself out of 50% of the film.

I, Androcles

Sunday, December 6


Among all his notable fables, Aesop's most well-known is 'Androcles and the Lion.' The story of the escaped slave who, while seeking shelter in a cave, comes upon a dying lion. Starving and wounded, the lion cannot fight off the slave and expects to be slain, or worse, left to die in slow agony. Androcles, instead of killing the lion, chooses to assist the lion in it's recovery, by removing a thorn, forcing out the puss from the wound and using a piece of his tattered clothes to bandage the wound.

For his services, Androcles asks nothing of the lion, save that he not be bitten in the process of the operation. The lion, stomach growling with hunger (the thorn having forestalled his ability to hunt) and not understanding that he can be healed, trusts in the young slave and suppresses his instinct to kill while Androcles is in striking distance, tending to the wound.

The lion and the slave soon depart ways, with the lion promising, "not to forget his kind deed." And so it was, as I pause this story to start our own.

Winter of 2008 saw a fierce political battle for the Presidency taking place between a popular woman, with a household name, Hillary Clinton and a seemingly over-matched, out-resourced upstart, with a gift for communicating, Barack Obama.

Each, in it's own right, had merits that an engaged electorate found beguiling. The problem flowered from the fact that we couldn't have both. Over the Spring their battles continued, and come Summer, America decided that "experience and comfort in the known" would have to take a back-seat to the excitement and endless possibility of "change." America, rightly, saw the challenges that (then) lay ahead for our country were of a different variety, requiring a bold new direction, under the un-tethered stewardship of a truly visionary leader. Barack Obama, seemed to be more of that mold and so, would represent the Democratic Party in the Presidential election.

He would accept his nomination, with great reception, on the 45th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream Speech," a prospect the national media did not allow to go the least bit unnoticed.

The winds shifted, trees yellowed and, as migratory animals began their long journeys to new horizons, "hope" and "change" was pregnant and omnipotent. Autumn, for us, brought with it, a collapse of the world Financial Markets, the expose' of a Housing Crisis which had been suffering for more than two years, massive job loss and revelations of an economy that had been in a recession for 11 months without anyone in the government feeling the need to tell the American people.

These revelations, never mind the two wars America were fighting, and other problems extant before the Autumnal collapse, stoked the electorate into a frenzy. The long-held belief in America's unwillingness to elect a person of African-descent went out the window, as all came to understand, these were historically bad times for our country -the best man had to win.

Then-Senator Obama, led the Democratic Platform, of putting forth a bold strategy of bringing all things into order once more, by reaching out to embrace "new ideas," developing the country's "latent talent pool" and facing down "those who dare say America's best days are not in front of us."

What Obama and the Democrats put on the table was an exchange that appeared to be insatiable:
  1. Universal Health care,
  2. Job Creation and Protection,
  3. Sensible Climate Legislation,
  4. De-Escalation in Afghanistan,
  5. Bringing the Iraq War to an end,
  6. Closing Gitmo Prison,
  7. Ending Rendition,
  8. Equality for ALL citizens
  9. Repeal of the worst parts of the Patriot Act
  10. Massive investment in our nations schools
  11. Reducing the cost of College Tuition
  12. Huge Investment in Clean Renewable energy platforms
  13. Using the Justice Department to "go after those that perpetrated" the Wall Street collapse
  14. Help homeowners stay in their homes and stem the tide of evictions
  15. and Other Shit

The Democrats needed only one thing from you, the electorate. That one thing was your vote. If you would just entrust the country to them. If you could just get out an knock on your neighbor's door. If you could just pick that old guy up at the end of the block and drive him to the polls. If you could do these things, the DEMOCRATS HAD A SHOT AT 60 SEATS IN THE SENATE, which would make all the initiatives "UNSTOPPABLE."

You delivered, and resoundingly so!

And then a funny thing happened on the way to the Forum.

With a 60 seat Super-Majority in the U.S. Senate, a filibuster-proof majority in the House and the ability to choose the heads of every Cabinet position, President Obama and the Democratic Leadership IMMEDIATELY turned their back on the throngs of people who had fought so hard to elect them. Instead they would begin building ties to those entrenched, (and thanks to the public's outrage) fearful elements of America's Corporatocracy.

Overnight, President-Elect Obama started filling his Cabinet with old Washington re-treads, the very lobbyists he said "needed to be run out of town," Executives from the Wall Street banking houses that caused the world-wide panic and, most-egregiously, Republicans.

If this President wanted to give away half the positions in the Executive Branch to Republicans, why did he not choose a Republican for a running-mate? He didn't even choose a Conservative Democrat. He chose Joseph Biden, a died-in-the-wool, die-hard, no-doubt-about-it Democrat. This was done because the President and his advisers knew, everyone was fed up with the way things were going and wanted blood.

He did this because Republicans were who the established Corporate bosses felt comfortable with, but President Obama sold it as his "being President of all of America, not just the blue states." 

At a time when Republicans "enjoyed" 21% approval rating, the President's actions could be easily confused with fortitude. With the scope of time on our side, we can rule that out because he not to use that same "fortitude" to go to bat on Universal Health Care, a proposal 64% of the country agrees with.

There are many who foretold of a weak Obama Presidency from the very first moment. This is an ELECTION NIGHT clip of Green Party Presidential Candidate, Ralph Nader. You need not listen to the entire 10 minutes of the clip, thought there is much insight to be gained. Within the first 7:00, Nader lays out, point by point, an EXACT prelude into how this President and this Democratic Congress would sprint, away from all it's platform issues and, towards adopting the entire George W. Bush policy playbook, in it's entirety.

Please take a moment to watch:


 
As Nader predicted , President Obama has embraced the very worst of his predecessor's policies: Renditioning, Gitmo still open, Patriot Act expanded, allowing lobbyist's to write legislation, cozying up to Wall Street and, in his announcement of escalating the Afghanistan War, using the events of September 11, 2001 from the bully pulpit. Additionally, Nader correctly predicted that his (or any other) criticism would be met with the refrain, "Give him time."

For so many (aka, every person planet earth), news of President Obama not just not living up to his promise, but actually becoming a principle of the long Washington nightmare, is a bitter pill to swallow. But I, Androcles, am attempting to pull this thorn from the paw of an ailing, thoroughly confused, slumbering electorate. 

No matter what else happens in the coming months:

  • Health Care will be not much different from what it is now for 98% of the population. If you cannot afford health insurance now, you will not be able to afford health insurance under the new plan. Health insurance premiums will continue to rise. Coverage will continue to be denied, unabated.
  • Big Financial institutions will continue to grow, unfettered. While the small, independently-owned lending institutions are allowed to fail at a historic rate
  • Families will continue to lose their homes, while legislation continues  to be "worked on" and "looked into" for debt forgiveness of mortgage-holding banks and the employees at these companies are paid with record billions in bonuses. 
  • Young Men and Women in our Armed Forces will continue to die on foreign soil. Call it a surge, an boost or what ever you want, but, fearless as they are, America's youth is best served by being home with their families during these tough times.
  • Untold tens of millions of people will continue to fruitlessly look for work, while the stroke of a pen (and a reported $480 million of unspent Stimulus Package monies) could create jobs overnight for so many Americans and assist in bringing our nation's crumbling infrastructure up to 21st century standards.
  • Energy costs will continue to rise. The national average for a gallon of gas on President Obama's Inauguration Day was $1.76, largely on the concerns that new energy strategies were in the offing. Today that price has risen to $2.59, an increase of 47%. 
  • Scores of children continue to attend inferior schools, with inferior supplies. Some must attend under the threat of losing their lives, with the President's home town of Chicago losing nearly 40 students to violent murders in the 13 months since the election.
I can go on and on, but I think with my having provided enough facts here to crush all rose-tinted lenses, the thorn from the electorate's paw has been removed. 

In Aesop's story the Roman slave Androcles is saved when, after being captured and led to the Colosseum for slaughter, the lion he healed back when refuses to kill him and escorts him from the arena instead. 

In our story, with so many people holding this President in such high esteem, I keep the words of the 10th-century Iraqi poet, Al-Mutanabbi, close at heart:

"If you see the teeth of the lion, do not think that the lion is smiling at you"

Mostly, because a lot of you will not be happy about the service I have just provided.

The Sporting Life

Tuesday, December 1



After fighting the urge for three days, PeppermintPickle puts the world of sports in the spotlight. 

Tiger or Tigger




The only thing more strange then the events that continue to unfold surrounding the Tiger Woods car accident/"domestic dispute,' is how people (media and regular folk alike) are  the viewing the story.

From the very beginning, media outlets have done a horrible job of getting the facts straight and, more egregiously, ignoring common sense when it stares them in the face.

The initial report had Tiger involved in a "serious" car accident near his home in Florida, with all reports trumpeting the "heroic" actions of his wife, Elin, who we were told "smashed the window of her husband's Cadillac Escalade with a golf club and pulled an unconscious Tiger from the wreckage, before calling authorities." 

We now know a few things for certain: a neighbor, not Mrs. Woods, made the 911 call. Mrs. Woods did not play the "Diana Princess"-role that initial reports portrayed. And, the full extent of Tiger's injuries could not be traced to his car accident.

I will go no further on the "facts" of the case, but since I am not beholden to anyone, I will share my OPINION of what i think of things thus far.

IF. . . Mrs. Woods physically abused Tiger, the fact that he is a man and a professional athlete (and therefore "strong") should not diminish the criminality of such an act. As I stated on my Facebook page yesterday, if Mrs. Woods had a car accident and the subsequent investigation held suspicion that her injuries were consistent physical abuse, we are not discussing this story in the context of whether or not "it's all a private family matter." Of that we can be certain.

IF. . .Tiger crashed his 2009 Cadillac Escalade SUV into a tree, at low speed (his air bags did not deploy), thus requiring his golf-club swinging wife to rescue him from the vehicle because windows wouldn't roll down and doors would not open, then I think it's the BIGGEST PUBLIC RELATIONS DISASTER FOR ONSTAR* ("standard in ALL GM VEHICLES") IN HISTORY!!!

Since I have to hear (and struggle through) all those "real life" radio ads where some child is crying because his mother has just hit a tree (Tiger hit a tree AND a hydrant!) and the OnStar operator calls the police, ambulance, opens the door, makes cocoa for the child, sings them a their favorite song, downloads the latest Pixar movie onto the cars entertainment system to calm the child and sends an electronic doctor's note to the adults job, letting them know she'll be off for a few day. . . the least they could do is open the damn door of the World's Most Famous Driver (Ali can't drive ya'll)!!! I am calling B.S. on OnStar for this!

IF. . . You believe Mrs. Woods is somehow smart because she messed up his face, but not his hands, arms or legs "because she didn't want to harm his golf career or earning potential. Consider this: Tiger Woods makes roughly $18-30 Million per-year from playing professional golf, another $12-15 Million in appearance fees and the remainder, $60-95 million per year, from endorsement/marketing fees. The PGA season runs from April to September, so the time between October and Early April is used to produce materials for those lucrative marketing campaigns (ie. the lions share of his income). Which is done with his FACE! Please don't give this woman credit where it is undeserved. She was, if indeed she beat Tiger, acting irrationally, passionately and foolishly.  

IF. . . You believe Mrs. Woods will be seen at any of those award ceremonies, held at the 18th hole after a tournament, when Tiger wins next year, YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND! Glenn Close cooking rabbits does not make for good Sunday evening television.

IF. . . You believe I don't know that you have thought of Orenthal James Simpson at least once since this story broke, you would be lying to yourself. LOL!

IF. . . You think TMZ won't get to the bottom of this, ask the Jackson Family,Melvin Gibson Christian Bale , or any number of celebs that have called the slime ball gossip site a liar. All were proved wrong in the end. In the end, is a celebrity going to their housekeeper a $50,000 tip, just to "keep things between us?" No! TMZ knows that, which is why they spread the cash around liberally and loudly. When news leaked that TMZ had paid one of MJ's housekeepers almost $500,000 for information, every person in Hollywood with a broom in their hand took note. BELIEVE DAT!

Chicago Bears




Is there any wonder why we loved him, so? He had all the look of James Evans and NONE of the FIYAHHH!!!!!

Coach Lovie Smith must go because he fired the Defensive Coordinator, Ron Rivera, when the defense was ranked 3rd in the league, hired his buddy Bob Babich, who took that defense and ranked 18th last year, then took over the play calling himself this year and currently ranks 24th. 

His dependence upon oft injured players (Brian Uhlacher, Tommie Harris, Mike Brown and Dusty Dvoracek) year after year, without planning for their imminent demise, is foolish, not resolve.

Also packing their bags should be: 

Ron Turner, who is as predictable as Mentos and Dr Pepper, though results are always far less explosive.
Jerry Angelo, who, barring Devin Hester and Jay Cutler, has been HORRIBLE at acquiring talent. Yes, I know not everyone can draft well in the 5th round, but equally unique is his penchant for drafting horrible IN THE FIRST 3 ROUNDS!
Every player except: Devin Hester, Lance Briggs, Jay Cutler, Matt Forte and Johnny Knox. Everyone else MUST GO!

Our next coach should be Ron Rivera and he should hire CHARLIE WEIS as Offensive Coordinator. Rivera could shore up the defense and would come cheap (would the McCaskey's have it any other way?).

Weis is a proven offensive genius and has developed the following players into what they are: Vinny Testaverde (Jets), Drew Bledsoe (cut his INT's, from 26 year before, to 11), Tom Brady (6th round pick to MVP), Brady Quinn (1st round draft pick) and Jimmy Clausen (1st round draft pick).

We have bet the house, as a franchise, on Jay Cutler being the savior of our franchise. Don't you think having the proper coaching is essential to him getting his mojo back. I think Cutler will listen to Weis for the same reason everyone else has, he made Tom Brady.

And speaking of Weis. . .

Notre Dame



Notre Dame finally fired that bloviating gas bag of a pile of arrogance and bluster, Charlie Weis. Yes, i want him to go and help turn around the fortunes of my beloved Bears, but as the head coach of the Fighting Irish, I HATED THIS MAN. Everything about him.

When he came on the scene he was so full of himself, with what he would do for this program. How he would "restore the luster" and "bring back pride." He said 6-6 or 6-5 was "unacceptable at a school like Notre Dame." "I am coming here," he stated unequivocally, "to win championships." In the end, he was, to borrow a George W. Bush quote, "all hat and no cattle."

The press conference was almost as embarrassing as his tenure, with talk such as, "Charlie has actually won a National Championship while at Notre Dame...the Graduation Rate National Championship" and, quite hilariously, "We'll Miss Him" by the Athletic Director who inherited this nightmare two years ago, Jack Swarbrick.

Swarbrick was not around to enjoy that ephemeral moment in 2005, when the Irish LOST to Mighty USC, at a time when the Trojans were the #1 ranked team in the country. The unyielding glee by the Golden Dome faithful at not getting run out of the building, led to Weis getting a contract extension IN THE FIRST YEAR of his contract at the school. Had they waited, they could have walked away from him after his third season, when the Irish finished 3-9, or after the option year (4th) when the Irish "improved" to 6-6. Which according to Charlie, was "unacceptable." But such Irrational Exuberance  led to more than trouble in Wall Street's financial markets, they end up owing the man they have just fired roughly $15 - 17 million. . . to do nothing.

Make no mistake about it, the Charlie Weis-era has been disastrous at Notre Dame. Zero wins vs. rival USC, zero wins against ranked teams, multiple losses to Service Academies, losses to horribly under-manned and inferior teams such as Syracuse, Pittsburgh and Connecticut, and zero development of any talent on the defensive side of the ball. Charlie was going to score so many points on the opposition, defense would be unnecessary. 
Well Gene Wilder has something to say about that:



In the end we are left with a once-proud program, searching for ways to make the "g=Great Experiment" seem somewhat successful by stating he "did it the right way." Hell, i didn't know Ty Willingham had players selling crack and stripping for money before ol' Charlie came to town? Willingham, also, was a disaster, but he had come from Stanford, not the 1996 Dallas Cowboys, as some would have you believe. He was doing things the right way as well.

So what do they do now? They give Urban Meyer $4.5 million per year (and make him Lt. Governor of Indiana) to leave Florida and come back to his alma-mater. Or, more realistically, you hire University of Cincinnati Coach Brian Kelly. As a Cincinnati resident, let me assure you, THIS MAN IS BELOVED and universally hailed as a football genius. And that was BEFORE this season, when his team sits undefeated, with an outside chance of playing for the very National Championship Charlie promised 5 years ago. 

He really wants the job and most of the city has resigned itself to losing him. I suggest, should Charlie become a coordinator in the NFL, he call in sick on days he plays the Bengals in Cincinnati because people here have spent the entire year hating his guts. His losing ways were followed closely, and warily, by the entire populace of southern-Ohio, as each loss brought the idea of losing Kelly closer to reality. 

Because we know what Jack Swarbrick needs to know, Kelly is the right man for that job.
 

2009 ·clean needles by TNB